Tuesday, January 10, 2012

A Productive Use of Time

I think it's Meaghen's fault that this blog is so neglected.

(Damn you, Meaghen.)

In Greece I had no one to bounce ideas off of or to calm my nervous psychoses.

But with Meaghen here, I can rationally discuss all manner of things and have no need to encourage my narcissism and put my thoughts out into the ether.

We can sit down over Coffee and explore every possible option for why my period is ten days late, which may or may not include the most logical conclusion: I have been impregnated, simply from a glance, by the searing blue eyes of the charming French-man at the market.

Long meandering discussions are had about Downton Abbey: Is it right to force the kitchen maid to marry the dying soldier, even though she doesn't want to, but by doing so she is helping him die happy?

Meaghen: Absolutely not.

Mary: Absolutely yes.

Meaghen: She doesn't want to. She doesn't love him.

Mary: It doesn't matter. It's only for six hours until he dies and then she can go back to normal life. Besides, he dies happy, and it's no skin off her nose, so what's the big deal?

Besides it's war time. Suck. It. Up.

Meaghen: But it's a lie.

Mary: Sometimes it's good to lie.

Meaghen: Is it, Mary? Is it?

Mary: Yes. But only if you know that God isn't paying attention.


(God: if you are reading this, I don't really believe that.)

Important discussions are had about highly important things such as:

a) How can Meaghen get Josh Groban's attention so that she can tell him how much she wants to have half a dozen of his curly-haired children?


b) Is Wentworth Miller REALLY gay?


a) Create a Myspace account specifically for posting on Josh Groban's wall. Make completely outrageous statements guaranteed to gain his attention. Once his attention has been caught, insist on meeting him in order to gain his undying love. Success. End of story.

b) After hours of internet research - which was given attention and devotion to the facts that I am quite sure not one of our University papers benefited from - the conclusion is: No. Wentworth Miller has never, not once, confirmed that he is gay. To the contrary, he makes reference to his deep held desire to find a nice girl (Here! over HERE!). His supposed homosexuality is apparently a figment of Perez Hilton's imagination and as such, having found that out, Meaghen and I can now rest easier at night.

....Mostly because......if Josh Groban doesn't work out, Meaghen is making a flying dash into Wentworth Miller's manly, so excessively ripped arms.

I don't know why she gets all of the celebrities and I am stuck offering to become God-Mother of her future children whose faces, I am sure, will be plastered all over the tabloids from the moment they exit the birth canal.

Share just a little, Meaghen.

You wrecked my blog, and now you are trying to decide between two celebrities?

Not. Fair.

And finally: Listen to this song. It will make your world a better, brighter place, and possibly make your having read this blog-post.....NOT a complete waste of time.


  1. First, thank you for blaming me for your addiction to and subsequent inability to focus on anything other than Crack Rock (and sub-subsequent neglect of your blog).

    I appreciate the paraphrase of our Downton Abbey argument. Except it went something more like,

    Meaghen: I think it shows weakness of character because she does it even though she doesn't want to.

    Mary: (promptly discounts any judgment I have made or ever will make)

    I would just like to add, for all you UNBELIEVERS (coughMichellecough), that the Wentworth Miller rumor was started when Luke McFarlane came out of the closet. He did not reveal his partner, but Perez Hilton found a picture of Luke and Wentworth and decided it was enough proof to confirm his wish that it were true.

    This picture.

    As Mary said, gay men do not dress like that. As I elaborated, gay men do not wear that hat. As Catherine mentioned, it takes a hefty amount of testosterone to look like Wentworth in the first place.

    Oh, and then THERE ARE HIS OWN WORDS: "I'm not gay, but that rumor can't be killed. I'd like to have a girlfriend and a family. But I haven't met the right one yet. Until then I'm focusing on my job."

    I'm just saying. We did our own research. We did. Our own. Research.


    P.S. Mary: you are my sanity. My comfort. My nutritionist. My jokes. My inspiration. Even if your face doesn't get tabloid real estate (and...uh...duh...it's going to one way or another), I'll simply have to split the newborn photo-shoot booty with you.

    P.P.S. Actually, it'll have to be three ways: Michelle. Unless Michelle never comes down from her judgment that "Wentworth is gay and I'm in denial" in which case her name shall be ANATHEMA.

  2. MARY!!! I think you have given up on this blog! please post something, anything... interesting that is. we are dying here waiting for news from France.