Purpose. YOU NEED PURPOSE, BLOG.

By my calculations, I have not written on this blog for about 3.2 Million years.

Or, almost five months.

One or the other.

I have never been good at math, but that's kinda sorta the same thing, yes?

You know how sometimes life gets in the way, and somethings gotta give? Well, this blog gave. I know there has been weeping and gnashing of teeth at my absence in the blogosphere.

And I'm sorry. Truly. Because weeping is awful, and gnashing....well, your dentist won't be happy.

Here's the thing:

I have this love hate relationship with bloggers and blogging. When it comes right down to it, what's the point? Ok, if you have a food blog you post yummy recipes which make people drool into their key boards. Speaking of which: try wiping spit out the little crevices between the keys. It's a pain the ass.

I'm just guessing here. I don't actually have first hand experience.

Or, I suppose if you have a design blog, you post amazing pictures of clothes, or houses, or rooms, or whatever your particular design fetish happens to be, which can occasionally make people sit in the darkest corner of their closets, moaning in despair at the complete lack of beauty or hipster-coolness in their lives: "WHERE IS THE TURQUOISE? WHERE IS THE LEMON YELLOW? WHY DO I ONLY HAVE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY?" (Actual grey, not the book.)

I'm just guessing here. I don't actually have first hand experience.

So, yes. A blog can have a purpose. Food. Art. Clothing. Animals. Ornithology (??!). Stamps. Religion.

But...say you have a blog written by someone who may or may not be lying in her bed, listening to a high school "Battle of the Bands" filtering in through her window, and all she really wants to do is hang out in heels, get covered in diamonds and eat chocolate for the rest of her life? (It's possible. I swear!)  (Not that I have thought about it for any extensive length of time.) What then? What's the point of her blog?

Because here's the thing: a blog needs to fit into a specific niche which gives it purpose.

Why?

Because you are human, damn it. And so, given a platform at which you believe the eyes of the world are directed, and from which you can spout absolutely anything because you are your blog's own boss and the centre of its universe....

you run the risk of becoming a whiny, namby pamby, self centred, egotistical, fake self deprecating, narcissistic piece of....work....

who should really just fly to Africa and dig a well and gain some perspective outside of your belly button.

I'm talking to you, girl lying on the bed in her underwear who really needs to pee but is too lazy to move. (Where is a catheter when you need one?)

Anyway: YOU IN THE BED! Does your blog have a purpose?

Oh. Whoops. We'll have to wait until next time for the answer to that, because no longer can she pretend that, if she delays thirty more seconds,  she won't end up peeing in her pants.

Until next time:

Thank  you, and goodnight.