Points of clarification in case my parenthesis prove too confusing. I wont even try to sort out what I know, and what you know:
1) I like everyone who reads this blog, simply by virtue of the fact that they read it! Yay me!
2) I do not like everyone, at all times. Doing so would deprive me of moments of vicious sarcasm and black cynicism.
Wait....does this mean I don't like anyone who doesn't read this blog?
At one point I got an A in a logic course. I am not sure if I could pull that off again.
This is a very round about way of saying that there is kind of a reason why Thomas shoved his hand into Jesus' side ...he needed proof. Prove it to me people - if you hang around here, click the "follow" button. You can even, in the spirit of public service, leave comments trying to inform me that I am severely psychotic.
I will respond and let you know I am already well aware of that fact.
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My day got off to a rocky start. Maybe this is why I am demanding affirmation.
I walked into the kitchen, straight into a puddle of water. While I attempted (unsuccessfully) not to think about what bacteria were possibly frolicking about in the lake forming in my kitchen, I tried to discover what was wrong.
It was, of course, the fridge, which had turned itself off and melted the contents of my freezer: a huge bag of calamari, and a piece of halibut.
Being barely functional when I first wake up, I pretended like nothing was wrong, turned on my kettle, made some tea, and ate some watermelon. After an hour, I felt sufficiently ready to cope with the day, and got myself ready to go find Pete to come and fix my fridge.
You should have seen me though - one side of my face (the side not squished into the pillow) was attacked by a mosquito in the night, leaving me looking like a cross between a basement - bound, video game obsessed teenager in the midst of the worst breakout ever, and a child with a vicious case of chicken pox.
But that wasn't the only thing going on. My hair has taken on a life of its own. I mean - it usually verges on being its own separate entity, but of late, it almost needs its own name. The term "big hair" doesn't even begin to describe the situation over here.
Besides that....some of my (fake) blond highlights have turned a suspicious shade of turquoise. I am not entirely sure how this happened. Possibly the sea water?
It was one of those sob -worthy "What has happened to my LIFE?!" moments. There I was, blotchy face in need of foundation so heavy I have never had to own it, with turquoise hair exploding all over the place (which I am too afraid to go get fixed, because you should SEE the haircuts and hair colors walking around here), wondering what kind of disease I would get from the fridge water I had stepped in. Because surely, there had to be SOMETHING in that water that would enter into the cracks of my feet, and crawl its way to my heart and give me tachycardia and kill me.
Good thing I am all alone here.
The result of my morning was a mound of fish that needed cooking. Which I did, but now do not want to eat. Let's face it - I bought the Calamari as an experiment, and it really only tastes good when it is soaked in batter and deep fried. I am not about to do that to my butt.
The good news is that so far my heart rhythm seems normal; hopefully my body will successfully conquer whatever disease the fridge water gave me. If not, I bequeath a fridgeful of Calamari to whoever gets here first to collect my body.
Ya know, reading your blog and the paranoia/hypochondria episodes you go through...I feel a whole lot better about my degree of psychosis ;-) Except now that you've put it in my head, every time I step in random water I will immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm DYING...
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