Friday, September 16, 2011

The Princess and the Pea.

I think my bed has embarked on a very successful endeavor to kill. me.

The mattress is like a rock. I wake up every morning, bent over like a 200 year old Sicilian woman with a basket of tomatoes on her back. For my back to feel remotely normal again, it takes fairly extensive sets of:

Downward dog

...combined with cobra

...finished with spinal twist.

It also happens to have lumpy springs that poke me in all the wrong places. I am a tummy sleeper, and as a consequence of this, I have a massive BRUISE on my hip bone. Last night, I must have shifted in my sleep, because the next thing I knew, I had woken myself up with an unholy yelp. A random spring had poked my already delicate hip bone and caused me excruciating pain.

I think sleeping on a plank would be a better experience. At least it wouldn't have metal coils whose entire purpose in life is to make me look like the victim of a fall down the stairs.


There is one more issue with my bed. For some mysterious reason, I prefer to sleep on the left side of any bed I am in. The only problem with this, is that the air conditioning unit  is positioned on the wall about 8 feet above me.

As much as I love my little cottage, I keep noticing odd things about it. The knobs are put on crookedly. The floor tiles have a definite curve to them. The light switches are placed somewhat haphazardly.

In fact, it looks like someone with no attention to detail put the place together. Which is fine. I don't really care. Except - would I trust someone who can't put a door knob on correctly, to properly install an air conditioning unit?

Not a chance. I keep having visions of the thing sliding down the wall and crushing my skull in.

So, I sleep on the right side of the bed. and wake up every morning, with not only a sore back, and a bruised hip bone, but a feeling of intense discombobulation.


I tell ya. Its hard being a princess in this pea filled world.


  1. Maybe you should flip your bed around so it is facing the wall...that way you could sleep on the left side and not have the air conditioner inevitably crush your skull.

    Ahem. OR just flip your mattress... but that seem too easy...

  2. or put your head at the other end of your bed..